Lists, regret, and belief

Hello Beautiful – Mercy Me

I hear parents all the time talk about what they’d do differently now. Wisdom and regret mix like oil and water. But pure joy at watching these kids become the adults I envisioned is a balm that soothes this momma’s soul.

So the next list. It’s shorter. The listing doesn’t come all at once anymore. The numbers have begun to require more contemplation. And that’s okay. I don’t want these thoughts to become cliche. They’re not trite. I’m not nearly philosophical enough for all that. Just a mom. Dyed blonde to cover the grey. Soft where there were once defined angles. So, here we go.

  1. Don’t let anger rob you of wisdom.
  2. Think before you speak may be the best advice I can give you.
  3. Be you. You’re not us. At some point, you have to decide not to be a product of your upbringing or that becomes just an excuse.
  4. Hurtful, angry words are hard to forget. Don’t let those define you.
  5. When you’re older, you’ll look back and realize how young you were.
  6. When you have kids, every year you’ll see a little more of what your Momma sees.
  7. Remember the time that coworker of yours called me your Moms? Does Moms have an apostrophe? Anyway, that’s one of my favorite memories.
  8. I usually think of you within five minutes of waking up. Crazy, huh? It’s a mom thing.
  9. Sometimes I still picture you sitting in the car, your little feet hanging over the edge of the seat. You were that small once upon a time.
  10. Did you know meeting you was the scariest and the most thrilling day?
  11. I’m so proud when I watch you overcome an inner battle.
  12. In a very public place, someone shared a life experience with me that has had traumatic repercussions in their life. This person then asked what we’d done to cause the trauma in your life. That question felt like a punch to the gut. Glancing around, noticing the surprised faces on those closest in range of overhearing, I struggled to reply. I fought back tears. I stumbled over words, regrets, and broken memories. Sometimes, people will dare to touch your most tender fear. How you handle those moments will change with maturity. But, what’s more important than your response in the moment, is that you continue to lay down your broken things at the foot of the cross. You can’t undo the done. You can pray for healing. You can pray for compassion. You can pray for forgiveness. Don’t let mistakes or regret shape your responses or your prayers. Let faith. Let hope. Let love. Let trust. Let wisdom.

These twelve. A longish short list. We’re ever learning. I don’t believe our mistakes make us who we are. I don’t believe regret has value. I believe in telling you the truth as much as I can define what truth is in this life I’ve already lived. I love you heart and soul.

Mom

Making lists for kids… again

<a href=”https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bL7Y6S4dMjI&amp;feature=share”>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bL7Y6S4dMjI&amp;feature=share</a&gt;

I smiled at this sweet video, but questions filled my mind as I watched. I remember days that went something like this. But why are the days of shredded nerves and lost tempers the days I remember most? Maybe I lost that temper more often than I sculpted grace. Maybe epic fail really did describe my attempts at child-rearing. I hope not. Hind sight isn’t as clear as everyone tells you. So, I make lists for the grown kids in hopes of letting them know all the things I want them to know and lists of the things I still want to reinforce like,

  1. I made a lot of mistakes, and you will too. Don’t judge yourself by your failures. Learn from them.
  2. Perfect has no value. Don’t miss the small, broken, stumbling path along the way to small successes.
  3. Learning to see you and respect you as an adult would be easier if you were someone else’s kid.
  4. Admiring your adulting skills is similar to the way I felt your first day of school.
  5. I’m not scared of being dependent on you one day. I’m scared I’ll be a burden rather than a treasure. Being honest with you about aging isn’t easy.
  6. If the ones you love feel neglected by you, make changes. You will never regret spending more time with the ones you love most.
  7. A lot of people are going to challenge you. If you’re right, if you’re decision is for the best, if you’re conscience is clear, if you’ve carefully prayed over a big decision… Stand your ground.
  8. I wish when you were small, I’d known to say this to you: Be you. Do you. You really don’t want to walk in their shoes.
  9. I may struggle to always remember you’re grown now, but I love that we get to be friends now.
  10. Now that you’re grown, sometimes I’m not sure what I’m allowed to ask you about.
  11. I wish you still told me every detail of your day.
  12. I know it must not always seem so, but as your mom and dad, we don’t mean to disrespect you, sell you short, or interfere when we offer advice or an opinion.
  13. It’s difficult to shake the parenting tone of voice.
  14. I always worried about being acceptable. Don’t waste your time on worry. Instead, work hard to be exceptional and accepted as true to yourself.
  15. Believe in yourself. Don’t be afraid of learning the hard way.
  16. I believe the toughest thing for me to accept would not be your failure to succeed. It would be a tough thing to accept that you failed to succeed because I didn’t teach you to be independent and a responsible member of society.
  17. I believe the very hardest thing for me to know would be that in all I taught you, I failed to teach you the value of knowing, loving, and following after Christ with your everything.
  18. Chase your dreams, but chase after God harder. You’ll never need less of God.
  19. Every time I see you, I want to ask if you’re about finished with that time you said you need.
  20. Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me the truth.

I keep thinking this listing business will get easier. Not so far. More to come. Always more.

Love,

Mom

An honest list for the daughters in my life…

IMG_4255I keep thinking about that last post with its list and those sons. One list has bumped its way into a next, falling into line, one thought after another. See, we started adding daughters in law to our family mix a little over two years ago, and our family dynamic quickly changed. Now we’re up to two marriages and one very serious relationship. There are some things these girls really need to know, like, how I fear failing them. I fear not measuring up against their own amazing moms. I fear giving them bad advice. I fear they’ll see all my mistakes and faults, and not through any character shortcoming of their own, simply not be able to see past mine.

And so, another list of things I’d like these kids to know I said.

  1. I think you’re beautiful.
  2. I don’t how how my son got so lucky.
  3. God blessed our family with you.
  4. I admire the woman you are and wish I’d known the girl.
  5. I think you’re scary brilliant.
  6. I couldn’t have made a better choice for someone to love my son.
  7. Your talent continually amazes me.
  8. I’m grateful, thankful, and thrilled for the way you love Jesus.
  9. You’re going to be an outstanding mom.
  10. I owe a debt of gratitude to your parents for the way they raised you.
  11. I hope and I pray that we become better friends every year.
  12. Sometimes, I wish you lived next door.
  13. You’re the daughter I always wanted.IMG_4254
  14. The way you look into his eyes, melts this momma’s heart.
  15. You should open that business you dream of.
  16. You’re the woman I wish I could have been at your age.
  17. I prayed for you all your life and still do. Every. Single. Day.
  18. Being a soulmate is the second hardest job in the world. You are doing fantastic.
  19. I’ve prayed every single day of his life that he’d be the man of God, husband, and father of your future children that you need him to be.
  20. Thank you for being the daughter, sister, and example that you are to your family and ours.

IMG_4257The thing I’m learning about listing is that none of the numbers apply to just one person. The numbers all have their niche in each life. So, there are more lists to come, but this is the end of this one for now.

Love,

Momma Ruth

More listing next time…